I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
