I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
