Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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