nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Randomize
