After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
