She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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