I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
