I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
