She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
