Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
