she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
