I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
