We should be called the Road Head Warriors
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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