Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
