there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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