I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
