Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
