break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
