I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
