Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
