she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
