oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
