I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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