he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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