this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
