I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Even my vagina gasped.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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