I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
