I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize