all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
jump out the window naked night went bad
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
