we're chasing vodka with high fives
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
