She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize