Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
