Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
