You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
