I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
