He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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