I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
