I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
