Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse

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(732): View more from New Jersey

she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.

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(518): View more from New York

Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.

(336): View more from North Carolina

THAT'S MY GIRL

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(925): View more from California

I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties

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