the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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