i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
