The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
