I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
