Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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