I have demons in me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
