is your mom at the bar?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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