I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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