So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize