Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
