4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Found your dick twin last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
