If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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