It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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