sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
