I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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