did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Boobs are out for the taking
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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