i just wanna soil my oats bro
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
