i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can't put those talents on a resume
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
