I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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