Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
