I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
