Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
