Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
