And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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