Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
