just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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