I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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