I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
