It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
