im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
