I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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