the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
