How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We named our party play list daddy issues
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
