Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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