if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
