Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
