Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
