If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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