Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
