Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
