i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
