haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
