I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I wear drunk well.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
