i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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