She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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