Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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