I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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