i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
