Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
