oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
