So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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