There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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