hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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