Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Everyone says I win the strip club
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
